Beantown Podcast 2026 FINAL NFL Mock Draft

Well it’s that time of year again. We’re just about 24 hours out from the 1st Round of the 2026 NFL Mock Draft which will be held in Pittsburgh. Pittsburgh is a great underrated city in my opinion. The rivers are cool. The fact that their 3 pro teams all have the same color scheme is cool. I watched that crime movie with Christian Bale called Out of the Furnace a few years ago and it was ok, not great, but they filmed that in Pittsburgh probably. It feels like they did. Also, Out of the Furnace would be a dynamite name for my next podcast. Also, I forgot the movie also stars Woody Harrelson, Casey Affleck, Zoe Saldana, Willem Dafoe, and a whole other cast of characters. You’ve probably never even heard of it!

Without further ado, here is what I’m hearing regarding tomorrow night’s 1st Round of the draft!

  1. Oakland Raiders (I know it’s Las Vegas, I don’t care): Fernando Mendoza (QB). There’s a lot of steam picking up here surrounding Mendoza to the Raiders. I’m going to go against the grain and mock him to the Raiders though.
  2. NY Jets: It doesn’t matter (?). They’re going to be ruined.
  3. Arizona Cardinals: See: NY Jets (?). Lol
  4. Tennessee Titans: Jeremiyah Love (RB). Where the heck did that “y” come from? I’ve never seen a y in that name before. Some parents just have to be different. Also, this pick is going to be terrible. Remember when the Raiders took Ashton Jeanty?
  5. NY Giants: That brother of Odell Beckham Jr who won Love Island USA a few years ago (WR maybe?). Was his name Kordell or something? I don’t know if he actually plays football but at least he has media training.
  6. Cleveland Browns: Anyone with fewer rape lawsuits than DeShaun Watson (?). Could be a number of options here.
  7. Washington Commanders: One of those defenders who had 3 COVID redshirts so now they’re being drafted at age 28 (let’s say OLB). The Commanders desperately need to get younger on defense and 28 is younger than 35, which is the average age of their current unit.
  8. New Orleans Saints: Miss their pick from partying too late in the French Quarter (?). You laugh, but it literally happened to the Vikings in 2003.
  9. Kansas City Chiefs: Ruben Studdard (singer). The Chiefs intend to draft legal headache Rueben Bain Jr. but Andy Reid loves vintage idol just like me and gets confused. Light years better than drafting Clay Aiken however. He would have to be a kicker for sure. Or a ball boy. Studdard is still a blue chip DT prospect, albeit kind of old.
  10. NY Giants (again): Carnell Tate (WR). This was originally the Bengals pick, and considering Cincinnati was legally obligated to take a WR with their first pick, the Giants do the respectable thing and honor the selection.
  11. Miami Dolphins: Everyone (?). You know how some teams come into a draft feeling like they’re “one player away” from having a complete team? What’s the opposite of that? I don’t know if I’ve ever seen a worse football team drafting so low. Yikes.
  12. Dallas Cowboys: Trey Smack (K). Don’t think for one second that just because America’s Team recently made Brandon Aubrey the highest kicker in the league that they don’t want to bring in a little competition for training camp. Iron sharpens iron.
  13. LA Rams: Literally any edge rusher that is not wanted for domestic abuse, aggravated battery, and aggravated stalking (?). This was supposed to be the Falcons pick before they foolishly traded it in last year’s draft to pick up Walter Payton Man of the Year candidate James Pearce Jr. Look for LA to learn from Atlanta’s mistake.
  14. Baltimore Ravens: Whatever WR is supposed to be really good but never lives up to expectations (?). That’s Ravens football baby. Step aside, Rashod Bateman, you got competition. Sort of. Good thing Zay Flowers is a perennial Pro Bowler!
  15. Tampa Bay Buccaneers: Peter Woods (IDL). I like to think Todd Bowles goes to bed every night longingly gazing at the headshots of N’donkeykong Suh and Vita Vea.
  16. NY Jets (again): It still doesn’t matter (?). In a draft shock, this is actually the first trade of the night. The Jets trade the #16 pick to the Chicago Bears for the #25 overall pick and the Bears 2027 1st round draft pick. The Jets then realize they made a huge mistake, so they trade back with the Bears by sending the #25 overall pick, 2027 1st round draft pick, and 2028 1st round draft pick to the Bears for the #16 overall pick.
  17. Detroit Lions: Francis Mauioga (T). You just know Dan Campbell is pissed off about how soft the Lions line play was in 2025. This may allow Penei Sewel to move to WR full time.
  18. Minnesota Vikings: Some cornerback who will inevitably be cut, arrested, or murdered before training camp (?). Sad but true. Brian Flores gets his guy.
  19. Carolina Panthers: The shortest guard in the draft (G). It’s about time Bryce Young gets to actually see who he’s chucking it to.
  20. Dallas Cowboys: Whichever defensive back can successfully stare at the sun without permanent eye damage (S). Can you imagine the advantage in JerryWorld if there’s one guy on the field who can stare through the blinding sun while everyone else’s corneas are getting burned into oblivion? Highest paid safety in the league in 4 years, I guarantee it.
  21. Pittsburgh Steelers: Ty Simpson (QB). Perfect opportunity for the Steelers to draft yet another QB who has no business being drafted this high or potentially at all.
  22. Los Angeles Chargers: Whichever generational tackle is planning to tear his meniscus, ACL, LCL, and aorta in week 2 of training camp (LT). The writing’s really on the wall here, isn’t it?
  23. Philadelphia Eagles: That one guy who should’ve been drafted like 3rd or 4th overall and somehow fell this far (maybe OLB). He will instantly become the best edge rusher in football and the Eagles will go on to win the Super Bowl by handing it off to Saquon Barkley 50 times a game and winning each game 6-3.
  24. Cleveland Browns: Feels like a good spot for some defensive end you hadn’t heard of until just now and who you’ll never hear about again (DE). If drafted one slot higher by the Eagles, this player would have been a Hall of Famer. And probably white.
  25. Chicago Bears: Omar Cooper Jr. (WR). The Bears need a good replacement for DJ Moore. Someone who is great at quitting on at least one play per quarter while Caleb Williams runs for his life.
  26. Buffalo Bills: KC Concepcion (WR). The Bills desperately need another slot receiver to pair with Khalil Shakir. The goal is to eventually just get to 5 slot receivers on the roster with no guys who can lineup on the outside. This gets them closer.
  27. San Francisco 49ers: Whichever player majored in biochemical engineering in college (LS?). Someone absolutely has to get in there and figure out what the hell is going on with that substation. The simpler answer is probably just that Kyle Shanahan has no chill in practice.
  28. Houston Texans: Some elite CB (CB). This will help the Texans goal of completely dominating every offense in football this season on their way to their annual wild card round CJ Stroud meltdown.
  29. Kansas City Chiefs: Kenyon Sadiq (TE). Sadiq will be a great replacement when Travis Kelce finally retires in 2034.
  30. Miami Dolphins: Someone to help toughen their image (C?). No shade to the franchise, but a dolphin just really isn’t that intimidating in the grand scheme of team mascots. What are you going to do, gently nudge me with your bottlenose?
  31. New England Patriots: New side piece for Mike Vrabel (any hot piece of ass). Men have needs.
  32. Seattle Seahawks: Remember when they had that linebacker with only one hand? Maybe another guy like that (ILB). I think he had a brother too, but the brother had 2 hands. It’s all a little confusing.

So there you have it! Fingers crossed that I nailed at least 31 of these! Tune in to the draft tomorrow to find out!

The Summer I Turned Pretty – Finale Predictions

It’s finally here!!! Tomorrow, September 17th, 2025, Prime Video will release the final chapter in the pulse-pounding coming-of-age romantic dramedy we all love so much, The Summer I Turned Pretty. It’s hard to believe that after all the twists, turns, debutante balls, cheating scandals, main character deaths, and Kyra Sedgwick acting masterclasses that it’s all coming to a close.

If you aren’t caught up on Season 3 or the show in general, allow me to get you up to speed. The show is based on a novel trilogy of the same name(s) by author Jenny Han, who also created the TV show. The main character is Isabelly Conklin, but she goes by Belly, which frankly is not that endearing of a shortened name but hey, her body her choice. Her belly her choice? At the start of the show, Belly is like 15 or something…however old you are when you get your traditional debutante ball (the Martha’s Vineyard equivalent of a Quinceanera). And no, I will not be reflecting more on what a debutante ball is because it’s frankly very confusing. Then you have these 2 brothers, Jeremiah (younger, on right above) and Conrad (older, not on right above) who have each doinked Belly a number of times at this point, but never at the same time (missed opportunity!). Their mom’s name escapes me, was it Charlotte or something? Well she dies at some point in Season 1. Also she was divorced and these brothers’ dad owns some sort of tech company, it’s not really clear. And they all have this gigantic cottage somewhere in Cape Cod or Martha’s Vineyard or New Brunswick, the exact location is never revealed.

Moving ahead, 2 other main characters are Kyra Sedgwick who is the mean aunt and her daughter who is Elsie Fischer whom you might know from the Bo Burnham flick 8th Grade which I actually really liked, but in this show she is like a strange elf gremlin creature and it just doesn’t land. These 2 are integral to Season 2 but not really in the other seasons. So Belly also has a mom who is this failed author, I don’t really know how she makes any money. Her dad is dead, maybe? I can’t remember if both her and the brothers’ dad is in the picture, or if it’s actually the same actor but playing 2 different characters? This is sort of that classic David Lynch twist that really rattles the cerebrum.

Does anyone really know the difference between the cerebrum and cerebellum? It’s one of those things you cover in Anatomy & Physiology but there weren’t any cool acronyms like PEMDAS or Kitchen Pots Cook Onions For Good Soup so it’s impossible to actually remember.

Belly also has a brother, and he has that stupid Gen Z broccoli haircut (Jeremiah kind of does too). I don’t know his name…Jack? It’s not Jack, but it’s similar. In Season 3, his girlfriend who is this blonde with a drug addicted mom (I think?) dumps him after he gets hit by a car. It’s really unclear, is it because she thought he was going to be disabled? It’s not super clear, but he’s walking just fine now and they’re back together, so seems like she prematurely shot her wad on what was supposed to be a dry run (thank you, Arrested Development). In Season 3 there’s also this redhead who works at the aforementioned tech company and I think she and Belly’s brother…is it Carl? They hooked up once but there was no spark so that was sort of it.

So by the time Season 3 rolls around, Belly has slept with Jeremiah and then went back to Conrad and then back to Jeremiah again and then back to Conrad and now she settled on getting engaged to Jeremiah. They plan a wedding and oscillate between having all the money in the world and then having exactly zero money, it’s super confusing. They sort of have jobs but also spend 50%+ of their time at this bougie oceanside cottage where the only local economy has to be lobstering / oystering / muscling (??) or some variation of clamming so it gets really frustrating to watch sometimes because these kids (they’re like 22 now) are entitled AF. So the wedding comes up and Jeremiah gets super drunk and I think Belly dumps him at the altar (I missed the second half of that episode) and Conrad goes to California for med school but potentially gets kicked out, it’s unclear. So Belly moves to Paris to “study” (I’ve literally never seen her study before this) and meets this Timothee Chalamet knockoff and now they live together, I think. And that pretty much takes you up until the series finale which drops tomorrow.

With all that in mind, I wanted to power rank Belly’s potential romantic outcomes, in order of most to least likely. I have never read the books and I have stayed away from spoilers, so this is all me shooting from the hip. Let me know in the comments below who your pick is – Without further ado, let’s jump in!

  1. Conrad (2:1) – At the end of the last episode, he was getting on an airplane to Paris (he definitely must have gotten expelled from med school) to I guess go find Belly and bang under the Eiffel Tower? If this guy’s dad wasn’t funding his every move, he’d never be able to afford that plane ticket. Still, it seems like they have the best chemistry and I could see Belly sticking with Conrad for at least 6 months after this until she decides she wants to sleep with Jeremiah again.
  2. Jeremiah (5:1) – This one seems a little less played out because he already dumped Belly at the altar (or vice versa) and he’s also kind of homeless. How does he afford all that conditioner for his hair? And what does he actually do at his dad’s company? Probably money laundering / cooking the books, but it’s never been totally revealed. Hoping for closure on this in the finale…
  3. French Chalamet (10:1) – I think he peaked too early because they were smooching and banging in the penultimate episode and maybe living together. There’s no way this guy is going to last all the way to the finish line, and who knows if he even wants to move to America with Belly. Plus I feel like it’s gotta be hard to get a Green Card given the current administration and also Belly absolutely sucks so why would he move to the US for this lady? France is way better than Cape Cod.
  4. Jeremiah and Conrad’s dad (20:1) – This would really be unexpected because these two haven’t really explored their sexual chemistry yet and there’s seemingly like a 25 year age gap, but Belly is totally legal now and this dad seems like the type to use his power and influence to pressure a much younger female into a sexual relationship, especially if she starts “interning” at his company. Plus this dad has already been banging his regular secretary for years, it’s not that big a deal if Belly slips in there. Plus she needs a high paying job.
  5. Belly’s mom (50:1) – The whole mom / daughter thing is just an internet porn trope and it doesn’t happen in real life. Good thing this is the Summer I Turned Pretty and not real life. But no, I don’t want to see this. Oh I just remembered her name, Laurel! Which brings me to my next point…
  6. This isn’t actually a Belly-related prediction, but I have been wanting to see Laurel and Conrad get hot and heavy for at least the last 7-8 episodes. There is some real sexual tension in the air and the chemistry is electric. Forget the age difference – this one would drive those ratings up up and away. Please please please!!!!! Show everything!
  7. Someone from the debutante ball that we forgot about (75:1) – It’s unlikely because it’s been like 6 years since the debutante ball happened, but I do distinctly recall Belly bumping and grinding on some of her fellow 10th graders during an LMFAO song (maybe Party Rock Anthem, I can’t remember) so anything is possible. That booty just wouldn’t quit.
  8. No one, Belly just focuses on herself (impossible) – Supposedly you’re supposed to ‘mature’ at your debutante ball but Belly is so reliant on others for her own happiness and emotional stability that this has a 0% chance of happening. And if the writers do decide to go this direction, it’s completely out of character for her. She has zero ability to go 5 days without sleeping with this guy, that guy, or that other guy and his brother. Sorry girl!

So there you have my predictions. Tune in on September 17th for the shocking finale! And although I’ve never been to a debutante ball myself, I am a quinceanera veteran, as you can see in the picture below. Thanks for reading!

Baby Dracula, the Chef

In a castle dark and stormy, by the glow of the moon,  

Lived a little Dracula, with an adorable wooden spoon.  

Not a fang in his mouth, nor a cape round his neck,

Just a chef’s hat and apron, grilling out on the deck.  

While others sucked blood, he stirred up his stew,  

Adding bat wings, creepy crawlies, and just a hint of goo.  

His cauldron would bubble, his ladle would steam,

This vampire cooked up one delicious dream! 

He minced his garlic without a care or fright,  

Dicing chives and onions in the dead of the night.  

For this Halloween feast, he worked with delight,  

Serving spooks and ghouls under candlelight.  

So beware if you see a cauldron that steams,  

And hear tiny giggles, or eerie little screams.  

For Baby Dracula’s meals are frightful and lean,

There’s soup for all on this Happy Halloween!

The New 3-Step: How the Waltz brothers took the world by storm overnight

By now you’ve all seen the news that Democratic nominee for president and current Vice President Kamala Harris chose Minnesota Governor Tim Walz as her running mate, capping off a dramatic ascension from farmhand nobodies to the top of Hollywood/Washington for the Waltz brothers. First, it was Oscar-glory for Christoph. Then, it was a rags to riches farmer to VP rise for Tim. Let’s take a closer look at the two brothers and breakdown their similarities and differences.

Name: Christoph Waltz / Tim Walz

Relationship: Fraternal Twins

Age: 67 (Christoph) / 60 (Tim)

Ethnicity: Austrian or Austro-Hungarian (not sure what is politically correct because of WWI)? (Christoph) / Minnesota (Tim)

Weight: 130 to 250 lbs (Christoph – Django Unchained role to title role of Andre the Giant in upcoming biopic) / Classified to Classified+ if it’s immediately after the deep fried Oreo eating contest at the Minnesota State Fair (Tim)

Breakthrough moment: Horrible Bosses 2 (Christoph) / Alec Smith Insulin Affordability Act (2021) which provides emergency assistance to Minnesotans struggling to afford their insulin (Tim)

Marriages: 2 (Christoph) / 1 + Plus a little side piece up near Brainerd (Tim)

Religion: Is Austria mostly Protestant these days? (Christoph) / Lutheran – Hot Dish Sect (Tim)

Favorite episode of 7th Heaven: The one where Simon the blonde son gets addicted to gambling and subsequently descends into moral and literal hell (Christoph) / The one where Lucy dresses super skimpy to go to the mall and also Simon’s friend’s sister is in a gang (Tim)

What they would do if they weren’t an actor/vice president: IDK that one role from Inglourious Basterds seemed a little too natural (Christoph) / Back to being a teacher but also a cocktail waitress on nights and weekends because teachers don’t make shit (Tim)

Favorite Waltz: Emmitt Smith dancing to the Blue Danube at the Dancing with the Stars finale in 2006 (Christoph) / Christoph (particularly in Muppets Most Wanted) (Tim)

Hottest take: Dez caught it (Christoph) / Jesse Ventura wasn’t THAT bad (Tim)

Advice to future generations: “If Quentin Tarantino slides into your DMs at 3am asking for feet pics, just know that if you say no, he’s not afraid to remove you from playing Bruce Lee in Once Upon a Time in Hollywood” (Chrisotph) / “Michele Bachmann is definitely a little crazy but sometimes a little crazy is exactly what you want in a little side piece up near Brainerd. I mean, the stuff she can do with her pinky toe is out of this world, I tell ya” (Tim)

So there you have it, folks. What a rise to stardom for these brothers! Step aside Kevin, Joe, Nick, and Bonus. There’s a new hot ticket in town!

First 2024 Presidential Election Debate Odds from Beantown Sportsbook sponsored by Qutz by Q

The day we’ve all been waiting for is finally here! After getting totally gipped out of any good primary action, the stage is set (literally) for Sleepy/Crooked Joe vs. Felonious Monk AKA the Trumpster at 8pm tonight in the first of two 2024 presidential debates (yes, I know there was some bleh debate stuff half a year ago with Nikki Haley and DeSantis and that Rawmaswany guy and potentially the MyPillow guy, but it was like watching the undercard bouts at UFC (I think that’s what they’re called, I am not a UFC guy (UFC, what is that, Ultimate Fried Chicken? (I just learned that Colonel Sanders did not become a Colonel until he was like 60. Before that he was just some regular guy who liked chicken)))). And too bad so sad for RFK Jr (I don’t know if he has a cool nickname yet or not), I too am bummed that we don’t get to hear more about this cool brain worm…

I figured a lot of people would be visiting beantownpodcast.com or beantownpodcast.com/politics or beantownpodcast.com/maga2024 for LIVE hard-hitting election action, so I thought I’d share what the current odds are looking like from our friends over at beantownpodcast.com/sportsbook. Don’t forget to head over there and remember that to be eligible to bet, you have to live in a sportsbook-eligible state and for tax reasons you need to enter your social security number and date of birth into the site. If the site isn’t working because it’s not yet a real site, you can always email it to beantownpodcast@yahoo.com.

So without further ado, here are the First 2024 Presidential Election Debate Odds from Beantown Sportsbook sponsored by Qutz by Q.

  • Trump: “Crooked”
    • O/U: 17 (O: -110; U: -110)
  • Biden: Laughs or Chuckles (must be separate distinct chuckles for it to count individually)
    • O/U: 11 (O: -115; U: -115)
  • Trump: Mentions Hunter Biden and potentially gives him a cool new nickname??
    • O/U: 7 (O: -125; U: -125)
  • Jake Tapper: Looks really concerned
    • O/U: 12 (O: -150; U: -150)
  • Biden: Number of words you can’t really make out
    • O/U: 16 (O: -170; U: -170)
  • Trump: Number of words you can’t really make out
    • O/U: 36 (O: -220; U: -220)
  • Ken Bone: No odds, just remember Ken Bone? What a guy
  • Trump: Talks past them turning his mic off
    • O/U: 21 (O: -135; U: -135)
  • Dana Bash: Don’t really know anything about her, no odds sorry
  • Trump: Does that cool thing with his hands. You know what I’m talking about
    • O/U: 14 (O: -140; U: -140)
  • Either: “God Bless the United Shush”
    • O/U: 2 (O: -110; U: -110)

There you go, enjoy! And God bless the United Shush!

7 Wonders Board Game?

Have you guys ever played this 7 Wonders board game? I’m not over exaggerating. I’ve played about 37 different board games in my life. This is by far the worst one. Imagine trying to make a game that was so complicated and so not fun so that you could turn off an entire generation.

What if your coins are worth 3 but minus for red militaries but you can’t buy a military because you don’t have enough power swords but wait you could give your partner to your right 2 coins for one of their woods but you only have to give your partner to the left 1 coin for their sparkly gold but also if you put one down and then get some greens you can win the space race.

Where tf do the 7 wonders come into play? I am ready to dunk my head into a murky pond and just stare into the oblivion until it all goes dark.

Phoenix’s Sky Harbor International Airport

Have you ever spent 10 hours on a layover at Phoenix’s Sky Harbor International Airport because I have and it really stunk.

And before you get all up on my ass about it, American messed up and by the time our first flight landed, our connecting flight had taken off. Smooth move Ferguson.

So for 10 hours basically we walked around a lot and had some pizza and a Caesar salad and I used the bathroom more times than I can count. Oh yeah, this was all being done while hungover. I think the only thing worse than spending 10 hours in Phoenix’s Sky Harbor International Airport is doing it when you woke up at 5am off of 3 hours of sleep and you’re hungover. That makes it tougher.

Did you know that Phoenix’s Sky Harbor International Airport is a civil-military public international airport? Maybe I just don’t read the airport Wikipedia pages too much, but I don’t think any of my usual airports are civil-military. It’s a hub for American which is ironic because they really sucked it up today.

Lotta stuff named after Barry Goldwater around here, Phoenix’s own. What a wild name (Barry Goldwater, not Phoenix. But also Phoenix). Apparently he was a big opponent of the 1964 Civil Rights Act. Woof. Seems like he mellowed out a bit after his senate career. Pro gays in the military, pro environmental protections, pro abortion rights. You redeemed yourself a little bit there Barry.

Phoenix was 111 at the time of writing this. That’s pretty toasty. But they say it’s a dry heat. Does anyone really know much about that band named Phoenix? They have one song I know because it was on a PC MLB baseball game I had when I was a kid. I think the song is called Lisztomania. Wait did you know that Phoenix is French? And they’ve been around for 28 years? I thought they were newer. But also I don’t know anything about them so I don’t know what I was expecting. So this band is French but singing songs in English? Like ABBA being Swedish and singing in English? Here’s my question – Is there a market for me to be English-speaking but sing smash hits in a different language? Like if I recorded an album in Mandarin or did the Beantown Podcast in Tagalog, would I be an overnight celebrity overseas? Probably not, but you can’t tell me those kids from ABBA thought they were gonna become pop icons over on this side of the pond.

Did you know there’s an airline named ‘Southern Airways Express’ and they fly 2 routes out of Phoenix/s Sky Harbor International Airport, one of them being to an airport called ‘Show Low?’ What a name.

Ok I could write so much more because we still have another 90 minutes here, but I’m gassed. Still hungover and mostly just cloudy up here *gestures at head* so I will leave you with some trivia. Name the top 10 busiest routes out of Phoenix’s Sky Harbor International Airport:

  1. Denver
  2. SeaTac
  3. Chicago O’Hare
  4. Vegas (no longer McCarran boo)
  5. DFW
  6. LAX
  7. San Diego
  8. Salt Lake
  9. MSP
  10. Atlanta aka the real Hotlanta (but Phoenix is probably warmer still)

Pray for us

Quinn David Furness

Talent Acquisition Consultant

14 E Jackson Blvd, Suite 1500

(312) 362-7131

Phil the Great

a poem for Punxsutawney Phil

Oh wonderful and mighty Phil
Great seer of all that is wise
Omnipotent, omnipresent, and certifiably omniscient
Wonderful counselor
Victorious vizier
Ageless as Keith Richards
Wise as the tree in Pocahontas
Your knowledge knoweth no bounds

For you roamed northwestern Pennsylvania long before civilizations of olde
And ye shall stroll through your tender gardens for millennia long after the human race perishes
Your pelt unmatched
Your hide divine
Your prophecy, a covenant to all mankind

Let us celebrate all with which you bestow upon us
A divine warrior amongst tribes
A leviathan amongst God’s creation

Til the end of days
So sayeth the groundhog
Let spring draw near!
No shadow shall ever match my seraphic faculty!

A happy Groundhog Day to all