in this crazy dream. I don’t know what the deal was. I could see it clearly through the fish eye lens and he was just pacing back and forth. What was the point of the jaguar? Who even has a jaguar? Where did he come from? And more pressingly, how come anyone couldn’t help me out? You might not believe this, but this whole time, I had to be leaning my entire weight up against the door AND hold the knob of my deadbolt just to keep this cat from getting in and murdering me. I guess he had claws like the velociraptors in Jurassic Park because apparently this feline could turn the knob with his paws. The worst part was this was a long dream. You ever have those dreams where you legitimately feel like you’ve been in them for an hour+? I wonder how scientifically accurate that is – are you physically lying there in bed dreaming about that exact scenario for an hour, or are you just getting incepted and your whole time frame of reference is off like they did to the Oppenheimer guy in Inception? And was the Jaguar trying to incept me?

But at the end of the day, what did this dream really mean? Who or what was the jaguar? It wasn’t like a Fred Taylor jaguar. It was an actual regular looking jaguar who looked very hungry. Was it just a jaguar, or was it something more ambiguous, something more mystical, something with a good allegory or fable behind it, like when the apostle Paul had that dream about the Macedonian across the water? Or maybe the jaguar was actually a leopard? I don’t think I could actually tell the difference between the two under the stress of that dream. Have you ever leaned up against your front door with all your weight trying not to die for an hour? You always hear about people wearing leopard-print clothes (like bonnets or sexy lingerie), but you never really hear about sexy jaguar-print bonnets. Are jaguars more protected than leopards? I’ll do some research and find out.