By now you’ve all seen the news that Democratic nominee for president and current Vice President Kamala Harris chose Minnesota Governor Tim Walz as her running mate, capping off a dramatic ascension from farmhand nobodies to the top of Hollywood/Washington for the Waltz brothers. First, it was Oscar-glory for Christoph. Then, it was a rags to riches farmer to VP rise for Tim. Let’s take a closer look at the two brothers and breakdown their similarities and differences.
Name: Christoph Waltz / Tim Walz
Relationship: Fraternal Twins
Age: 67 (Christoph) / 60 (Tim)
Ethnicity: Austrian or Austro-Hungarian (not sure what is politically correct because of WWI)? (Christoph) / Minnesota (Tim)
Weight: 130 to 250 lbs (Christoph – Django Unchained role to title role of Andre the Giant in upcoming biopic) / Classified to Classified+ if it’s immediately after the deep fried Oreo eating contest at the Minnesota State Fair (Tim)
Breakthrough moment: Horrible Bosses 2 (Christoph) / Alec Smith Insulin Affordability Act (2021) which provides emergency assistance to Minnesotans struggling to afford their insulin (Tim)
Marriages: 2 (Christoph) / 1 + Plus a little side piece up near Brainerd (Tim)
Religion: Is Austria mostly Protestant these days? (Christoph) / Lutheran – Hot Dish Sect (Tim)
Favorite episode of 7th Heaven: The one where Simon the blonde son gets addicted to gambling and subsequently descends into moral and literal hell (Christoph) / The one where Lucy dresses super skimpy to go to the mall and also Simon’s friend’s sister is in a gang (Tim)
What they would do if they weren’t an actor/vice president: IDK that one role from Inglourious Basterds seemed a little too natural (Christoph) / Back to being a teacher but also a cocktail waitress on nights and weekends because teachers don’t make shit (Tim)
Favorite Waltz: Emmitt Smith dancing to the Blue Danube at the Dancing with the Stars finale in 2006 (Christoph) / Christoph (particularly in Muppets Most Wanted) (Tim)
Hottest take: Dez caught it (Christoph) / Jesse Ventura wasn’t THAT bad (Tim)
Advice to future generations: “If Quentin Tarantino slides into your DMs at 3am asking for feet pics, just know that if you say no, he’s not afraid to remove you from playing Bruce Lee in Once Upon a Time in Hollywood” (Chrisotph) / “Michele Bachmann is definitely a little crazy but sometimes a little crazy is exactly what you want in a little side piece up near Brainerd. I mean, the stuff she can do with her pinky toe is out of this world, I tell ya” (Tim)
So there you have it, folks. What a rise to stardom for these brothers! Step aside Kevin, Joe, Nick, and Bonus. There’s a new hot ticket in town!
Quinn David Furness presents the Beantown Podcast 